<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Stay With Me by JaneLovett</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27351754">Stay With Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneLovett/pseuds/JaneLovett'>JaneLovett</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Alternate Universe - Student/Teacher, F/M, Forbidden Love, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Professors, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Hogwarts student - Freeform, Love, Older Man/Younger Woman, Older man, Professors, Secret Relationship, Star-crossed, Teacher-Student Relationship, Teacher/Student, Wizarding World (Harry Potter)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:54:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>22,987</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27351754</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneLovett/pseuds/JaneLovett</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Professor Lupin accidentally falls for a student (reader) and can't stay away.</p><p>If you like the story, check out my blog: JaneLovettWrites.wordpress.com !</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Remus Lupin &amp; Reader, Remus Lupin/Original Character(s), Remus Lupin/Original Female Character(s), Remus Lupin/Reader, Remus Lupin/Student, Remus Lupin/You</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Please Stay After Class</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I sat staring out the window, lost in my thoughts. If was my last class before Christmas holidays and I couldn't wait to get out of here. I had my vacation all planned out, I was going to a couple christmas parties and visiting some relatives in France. Just this one more class and I can finally— I'm interrupted by a tap on my desk. I quickly turn to see who it is, and I'm shocked to see that it's Professor Lupin.</p>
<p>"I'd like to see you after class," he says quietly before walking away. Great. I'm stuck here for even longer.</p>
<p>When the class finally ends I watch longingly at everyone else walking out the door. I shake my head, why am I even here? I haven't done anything wrong. Feeling annoyed, I stand up and walk towards Professor Lupin's desk, and he leans back and watches as I approach. When I get there he smirks, "I'm sorry to keep you from your vacation, I know you've been looking forward to it."</p>
<p>He gets up slowly, with the crooked smile painted on his face, and walks around his desk until he traps me between it and him. I turn around and notice that he's very close, so close that I can feel his breath.</p>
<p>"Uhm, sir, why am I here?" I say slowly, glancing down at his lips, suddenly aware that he is not just my professor, but a man.</p>
<p>"Well, you can leave if you want. You can go on your little vacation... or you can stay here with me. The castle will be practically empty and well, I get lonely." There's still remnants of that smirk he was wearing, but his voice is serious.</p>
<p>He takes a small step forwards. One more and I'll be pinned against the desk. I look back up at his eyes and focus on the amount of space between us, or more specifically, the lack of space. After a few seconds I realize I haven't responded, but what do I say? I settle for, "well, you see, it would take a great lot of convincing before I decide to stay here rather than go to France." He looks pleased with my answer, "I figured you would say that, and I wouldn't expect any less from you."</p>
<p>So many questions go through my head. Is this really happening? What should I do? What about France?</p>
<p>My mind goes blank as he places a hand on my hip. Oh lord. He stares into my eyes and pushes me against the table, "maybe this will convince you." My heart starts pounding through my chest while he slowly leans in to kiss me. When he does, I hesitate for a moment before wrapping my arms around his neck. This is definitely better than France.</p>
<p>He lowers his hands to my thighs and picks me up, making me sit on his desk. He pulls away for a second and through deep breaths says, "so, what is your decision?"</p>
<p>I smile at him, blushing, and whisper, "this. I choose this,"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Tea</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I find myself alone with Professor Lupin in his room. After kissing me he grabbed my hand and guided me to his room, quickly, as if he was close to second guessing what he just did. Luckily the school is already deserted and we didn't see anyone in the halls, this sort of thing is very much prohibited.</p><p>I sit down on his sofa while he makes us tea, and start looking around his room. It was almost exactly how I would expect, dark and dusty, with parchment everywhere and an untidy bookshelf. The door to his bedroom is closed but I suspect it won't remain a mystery for long. I smile to myself and look back over at him. He looks nervous, his hands occasionally fumbling.</p><p>I lean back on the cushion and study him, wondering why he wants to do this, why he asked me to stay, knowing it will ruin his career and reputation alike. And I wonder what he wants out of this, what happens when school starts up again?</p><p>He interupts my thoughts by asking me how I take my tea, bringing me back to reality.</p><p>When the tea is made he brings it over, setting it on the cluttered coffee table and taking a seat beside me on the sofa. He sits far enough away that it's not awkward, but closer than a professor should sit by their student. Close enough that I just want to reach over and touch him again. I take a sip of my tea and turn to face him.</p><p>He runs his palms along his pants, then leans back comfortably into the sofa, looking more relaxed. "You know, you don't have to do this- it was just a thought." He stops to gather himself, " I don't want to take you away from your friends or, well, make you do anything you don't want."<br/>
I place the teacup and saucer back on the coffee table and slide closer to him, placing my hand on his thigh. "I said I choose this, and I know I won't regret it." He looks lighter and I know I said the right thing.</p><p>I never saw him like this before, never saw him as anything besides my teacher, one of the only ones I actually look up to. I like him like this, even his scar is starting to look beautiful.<br/>
After he finishes his tea and I'm nearly done mine, he turns to me and plants a single kiss on my lips. He pulls back and begins to speak before even opening his eyes, "I want you to know my intentions are, nearly pure. I've admired you for awhile, and I didn't choose you at random." He runs his thumb over my cheek, "I just want to spend time with you outside of the classroom, and we'll see where it goes from there."</p><p>I focus on the warmth of his fingers and the softness of his voice. I really don't want for this moment to end but I need some reassurance, "it's just that, sir, this isn't exactly... allowed"<br/>
His crooked smile appears yet again as he says, "you don't have to call me sir or professor when your classmates aren't aroud, Remus will do just fine. You're right though, this isn't allowed, that's why we'll have to keep this a secret."</p><p>He plants another kiss on me, but this time it's on the corner of my lips, and only lasts a moment before he does it again, lower, inching towards my neck. I tilt my head to the side and run my fingers through his hair, my body longing to be closer to his. He starts to go from my neck to my collarbone, and then lower some more. He hesitates a little, and I know he wants my approval before going any further, so I help him take off my robe and he throws it on the floor beside us, returning to kissing my chest.</p><p>I lean back more and more until I'm laying on the sofa completely, and he climbs over me. I take off his tie and shirt and run my fingers over his chest. There are some scars and I wonder who could have ever hurt this man, who is gentle and strong at the same time. He shivers and closes his eyes, lowering himself until he can kiss me.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Morning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When I wake up, i find myself naked and in the arms of my teacher. I feel like I'm dreaming, but this is more than real. He's still asleep and the room is dark, it's barely morning. I take this time to look around. This room is clean, unlike the others. It's still dark but not as dusty, and a lot more appealing to the eye. He has a small stack of books on his bedside table and nothing on the floor apart from our clothes. I smile and roll over, burying myself in his arms.</p><p>A few minutes later he starts to wake up, and I climb on top of him and say good morning. He looks up at me, eyes barely open, and says in a tired raspy voice, "I can't imagine a better view to wake up to."</p><p>Blushing, I get out of bed before I can admit to him that I liked waking up beside him too. I need to remember this is temporary. Wrapping myself in his blanket, I walk over to the window and look at the beautiful view outside to give him privacy to dress.</p><p>Instead, I feel Remus' body against my back and his hands wrapping around me, pulling my blanket off and letting it drop to the floor. I should be embarassed, but I just feel serene. I close my eyes and lean back into him, resting my head on his chest. I could do this forever, just spend calm peaceful mornings with him, watching the sunrise from his bedroom.</p><p>He burrows his face into my neck so I can feel his breath on me. I place my hands on top of his and follow them and he traces his fingertips all over my body. I turn my head to the side and kiss his neck, trying to turn around but he holds me in place. His hands find their way down my stomach, to my thighs, and then to my inner thigh. My breaths speed up with anticipation and I can feel something hard pressing against my lower back now. I spin myself around and sit up on the windowsill, pulling him, my teacher, to me.</p><p>I think about how if someone were outside they could see. How the whole world could find our secret. But we are many stories up, and it is just us, here now, together.</p><p>He holds onto my waist and I feel him inside me. I moan softly, closing my eyes, running my fingers through his hair. I get goosebumps from the stones I'm sitting on and feel the cold morning air seeping in through the window. He is quiet, but close enough I can hear his small groans and heavy breathing. Every so often he slows down to caress my face, my neck.</p><p>When we finish he leans in and kisses me, in the way one would kiss if they were saying goodbye forever and this was their last chance. When it ends he lingers for a moment before grabbing his pants and putting them on, as I watch. His body is so beautiful, so mature. I could stay in this room with him forever, yes, but we only have two weeks.</p><p>I follow him to the living room and grab the shirt he was wearing when he taught a defense against the dark arts class yesterday, putting it on and only doing up the bottom few buttons. It goes halfway down to my thighs and fits loosely enough it feels I'm still naked. He starts to cook us breakfast, and I stand leaning against the counter watching. He moves around swiftly, not nervous like yesterday. I think about how different he looks here than he does in his classroom. He's so... vulnerable. Raw.</p><p>He catches me smiling and while the eggs are frying and the toast is toasting he comes over and presses me against the counter with his body, holding my face to kiss me. "You look better in my clothes than I do."</p><p>I look down and realize that we are both barely clothed, and butterflies find their ways into my stomach. When the food it ready we sit down beside each other at his small table, and eat in silence. It feels so natural to be here.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Unmasking</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>We spend the rest of the day talking, laughing, and enjoying each others company. Remus tells me all about his childhood, his time at Hogwarts, his best friends and about some of the trouble they got into. (They sounded pretty cool, but the nerds named themselves "the Marauders")</p><p>I told him about my home life, and he asked me if I had a crush on the boy who sits beside me in DADA class. I laughed and told him no, and he said I better tell him that because he's always making heart eyes at me. I hadn't even noticed. I lightly teased Remus about being jealous but he assured me he was only paying attention to me and wouldn't want to prevent me from being with someone my own age. </p><p>It got a little more serious and for a moment I thought I saw guilt in his eyes. He stood up a little too quickly, pushing me off him, and walked over to his bookshelf. He slowly pulled a book out even though he knew exactly where it was, and turned around to face me.</p><p>"I need to be honest with you. I should have told you before I let you get involved with me, and I am sorry for that."</p><p>My heart starts beating faster. Should have told me that? Why is he apologizing?</p><p>With his eyes still on the book, that I can now see is a worn leather journal, he falls back onto the sofa. "I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with you walking straight out that door. But before you do, I want you to know that I really enjoyed our time together, and I want to apologize again because I have not kept this from you. It was selfish of me."</p><p>I nod at him, not knowing what to say, and take the journal from his hands. He looks down at his feet, folding his hands in his lap, as I start to suede string keeping it closed.</p><p>So many questions fill my mind, and I look down at the book hoping to find answers.</p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>I read it one,<br/>twice,<br/>three times.</p><p>It wasn't long but what it contained was difficult to grasp. I try to put together the pieces of what I just read in a way that provides a different outcome, but I fail.</p><p>This much is clear: Remus is a werewolf.</p><p>I stand up and start pacing around his living room as he watches me uncomfortably. I wouldn't expect him to be feeling anything less than shame and possibly even regret for showing me. But he did trust me with this information and I know I shouldn't leave him hanging.</p><p>I look at him but don't meet his eyes and ask, "does Dumbledore know?"</p><p>"Don't worry about that, I have arrangements." He says quickly and then gives me a puzzled, possibly hurt look, "if you are worried for the students' well being, I assure you -"</p><p>I cut him off, sitting back down beside him on the sofa, "no, no, of course do you." I feel bad for suggesting otherwise. I wouldn't, even for a second, believe Remus would put himself in a position to harm others. He was responsible, caring, kind... so why is this bothering me at all?</p><p>I look over at the man beside me and realize there is nothing to be scared of.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Secret</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Neither of us knew what to say. He shared a secret, for a reason I have yet to discover, and I'm positive I didn't react the way he wanted.</p>
<p>It was clear we both needed to escape our minds, so here we are, lying in his bed once again. Only this time, he is reading me a story about a detective, I think. I'm not paying attention to what he's saying. My eyes scan the curve of his back, the flexed muscles in his forearms as he props himself up on his elbows to read from the book comfortably. I focus on his lips. His sturdy hands. His deep, mature voice. The serious look in his eyes, which always remain kind.</p>
<p>I think about how they would look when he is a werewolf, would the kindness disappear? Would all his humanity be stripped from him? I can't imagine him ever killing, let alone hurting someone, but then I remember it wouldn't be him. Something takes over him. Something he can't control.</p>
<p>For the first time since he told me his secret, I pity him. He's been dealing with this since he was a child and I can't imagine how he feels. Yes, he does have the potential to hurt people, but it would also be hurting himself. Once he turned back into the Remus I know, he would have to face what he did, and even if it wasn't his fault he would have to live with it.</p>
<p>I also realize that this secret he told me could end his career in a heartbeat. Parents would not want him around their kids. The wizarding world had lots of prejudice against werewolves. Even if Dumbledore could assure them it was safe, they might not let their kids come back until he's sacked. I feel the weight of the secret. He wouldn't have shared this with just anyone, I could ruin him whenever I wanted, but he trusted me not to.</p>
<p>He pauses, realizing I am lost in thought, and slides his thumb over the book to mark where he stopped reading.</p>
<p>"Are you paying attention, or should I assign this as homework instead?" He says sternly, with a smirk on his face. His arm extends, his thumb now rubbing my cheekbone instead of keeping track of where he left off. How tragic.</p>
<p>I close my eyes and turn onto my back, somewhere along the way drifting off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
<p>I wake up in the late afternoon to an empty room. Yesterday this was upsetting, but for now I am glad to have time alone to process. I walk to the window and sit on the ledge, remembering the last time I was here. A faint smile appears on my face but I push it aside as I think about how I treated Remus earlier. It wasn't necessarily wrong, but it sure as hell wasn't right. He opened up to me, and now I need to show him he made the right decision.</p>
<p>I go over everything I know about him in my head, from what he told me about his childhood to the time I've spent in his bed. I've always known who he was from the moment I stepped into his classroom. I know more facts about him now, but his character has remained unchanged. He's still the Remus I'm falling in love with.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Falling in love? The thought shocks me. I could feel it happening, but putting it to words sounds so real. A week ago he was just my professor and my feelings towards him were respect and admiration. Now I trust, desire and even love him. In just a short amount of time we have grown together, and I know there's a chance when this holiday ends I will be heartbroken. </p>
<p>But at least right now, Remus Lupin is all mine. That is what I will hold onto. The rest does not matter.</p>
<p>I hop down from the ledge and leave the bedroom, ready to tell him how I feel and reassure him that he is what I want. Instead, I am met with an empty room. Remus is gone.</p>
<p>I bite the inside of my cheeks and wonder why he would leave me here alone, but then I notice a paper fluttering on the side of a teapot, steam coming out of it. </p>
<p>Written on it, in messy handwriting, is, 'Please be here when I get back.'</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Come Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I rip the note off the teapot and read it over a few more times, each time hoping for an explanation but never finding one. I pour some of the tea I'm guessing he brewed for me and look around the room wondering what to do next.</p><p>I remember the book he was reading to me last night and bring it over to the sofa where I lay down to start reading. I can now identify the book as The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, and I start reading it from the beginning since I missed most of it. Without Remus here I should be able to focus.</p><p>I read for what feels like an eternity, surprised at how right he was about this book. I shouldn't be though, I already knew he had amazing taste, choosing me and all. I smile at my egotistical joke and pick up a loose piece of parchment from the coffee table to use as a bookmark.</p><p>I stand up to stretch and look out the window that's behind the sofa. I don't know the exact time, but I do know it's been hours since Remus left and it's dark out now. I wonder where he could be for this long, and why he would just leave me here. I bite my lip, my anxiety levels rising, and start to doubt if I should even wait at all. It's so cold and gloomy here without him to bring warmth, and I feel so out of place.</p><p>Right before I turn away, I notice the moon come out from behind the clouds, lighting up the sky.</p><p>It's full.</p><p>My jaw drops and eyes widen as it finally clicks. Remus is supposed to turn tonight, of course he wouldn't be here. My knees feel shaky and I sit back down to avoid fainting. I know the answer now.</p><p>I need to stay.</p><p> </p><p>I bring the blankets from his bed over to the sofa and get comfy, but I refuse to fall asleep. I don't want to miss his return. My eyes grow heavy but my mind doesn't calm down for even a moment until i finally hear the door open. All I can see is his silhouette. It is almost dawn, the sky outside is starting to reappear but the sun is not yet visible.</p><p>He closes the door quietly as if not to wake me and then he's beside me, crouching down, running his fingers over my messy hair. He notices I'm awake but fighting sleep and smiles, his arms scooping me and the blankets up to carry me back to his bedroom.</p><p>"You should have gone to bed hours ago, sleepyhead," he says affectionately.</p><p>I nuzzle my face into his neck, "I wanted to wait for you."</p><p>He places me on his bed and pulls his shirt off before crawling under the warm blanket, spooning me. Not even a minute later his breath grows heavy and his grip starts to loosen, he falls fast asleep.</p><p>I drift off after him, finally able to calm my mind. I'm glad to have my Remus back.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Dormitory</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He is awake before me today and plants a kiss on my forehead. I look at him through groggy eyes and see that he is softly smiling, which I return, but also decide to be a pain in the ass and say, "what are you do happy about?"</p><p>Moving my hair out of my face he answers, "oh, I don't know... having a pretty girl in my bed might have something to do with it."</p><p>"You think I'm pretty?" I laugh and kiss him playfully, trying to lighten the air around us after what happened last night.</p><p>Instead his hand is on my stomach, keeping me at a distance. His smile retreats, "I really do, and words cannot describe how grateful I am to have you with me." </p><p>I just nod at him, trying to say, "of course Remus, of course I'd be here" without any words. I didn't realize I was doing something worthy of thanks. I am here because I want to be, it was never selfless. But I'm starting to feel like I wouldn't mind if it were.</p><p>After a long, but not awkward, silence, he squeezes my hand briefly and gets out of bed.</p><p>"I want to bring you somewhere today. After being trapped here all night, some fresh air will do you good." He smiles, then glaces down at the boxers I had one, "but first, we'll need to get you into your own clothes."</p><p>After putting my uniform back on and gathering all my things, we head out, back to my dorm. Instead of my hand he holds onto my wrist as we walk, his thumb rubbing my palm, ready to release me if we were to come across anyone. I don't mind, it's nice actually, plus riskier than I thought he'd be.</p><p>We are fortunate not to run into anyone and I leave him at the bottom of the stairs leading to the Ravenclaw dorm, answering a riddle to gain entry. I pick up the pace, not wanting to keep him waiting long. If we only have two weeks, you can bet that I will be spending every second possible with him. </p><p>But I am stopped. Now I know why the halls were deserted, they are hanging out in the common room. The second they spot me, their conversations cease and their books are slammed closed. Curiosity sparks in their eyes and they get ready to bombard me with questions.</p><p>"Where have you been?"<br/>
"I thought you left for France?"<br/>
"You look like a mess, is everything okay?"<br/>
"Were you with a boy?|<br/>
"Was it that boy who sits beside you in defense against the dark arts? I knew he had a crush on you!"</p><p>Ravenclaws, always so nosy.</p><p>I should have been prepared for this but instead I had to come up with a story on the spot. I explained how I was in France, but my vacation was cut short so I came back to school to get some studying in. They looked skeptical, noticing how I was still in my uniform with a book bag slung my shoulder, no luggage in sight. I clearly hadn't left the school. I hold my breath, waiting for them to accuse me of lying, but to my surprise they exchange looks with each other and pretended to believe my story, letting me slip past, and returning to their books.</p><p>In my dorm I change into a jumper and a pair of jeans, taking my books out of my bag and filling it instead with clothes and some essentials I might need if Remus plans on letting me stay with him for the rest of the holidays. I hope he does.</p><p>I pack everything I need and start to head back to Remus, smiling like a dork, but catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror first. They were right, I do look like a mess. I grab a comb from my bag and try to fix my hair, then put some concealer under my eyes to cover the bags that must have formed when I was waiting up for Remus to return home. It's an improvement, but I'm suddenly aware of how I look. Even put together, I look plain. He might have called me pretty an hour ago, but that couldn't have been what he saw in me, why he chose me. I shake my head and tell myself to stop being insecure, we had already slept together for crying out loud. </p><p>At that thought my smile reappears. I throw my bag back over my shoulder and get ready to walk past a group of gossiping Ravenclaws to return to the arms of my professor.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. We Need to Talk</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>We find ourselves leaning on the railing of the bridge, looking out at the view. Winters at Hogwarts are always beautiful, but I've never seen it so peaceful. The deserted grounds had a fresh coat of snow, not a trace of human life left behind. The sun was already starting to set, the temperature dropping, and from up here the wind was free to bite at my exposed skin.</p>
<p>The silence is broken by a voice so gentle it could have been swept away by the wind before reaching any ears, had the source not been so close to me. "We need to talk."</p>
<p>For the first time since we've been out here, I start to feel the cold. He was wrong, I didn't need to talk. I was ready to accept anything Remus threw my way without needing an explanation. I have come to terms with his condition, with our relationship, and with the different lives we live. There wasn't a hint of harshness in his voice, but it was too urgent for my liking. This moment doesn't need to be broken with a serious topic. Alas, if he thought we needed to discuss something, I will hear him out.</p>
<p>He rubbed my shoulders to warm me up after catching my shiver, before stepping away, leaning his back against the railing and avoiding my eyes.</p>
<p>"I have been selfish these past few days. I don't want to drag you into a relationship, not when you are so young and carefree." He paused, looking to me for a response, maybe even protest. But I was selfish too. I would not give him one.</p>
<p>Looking disappointed and somewhat relieved, he carried on, "Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed your company these past few days, however reckless it may have been, and I have no objection to spending the rest of the holidays together." He paused again but I knew he wasn't finished. He looked... pained. His eyes had fallen to the wooden boards at his feet, but he kept going, "When school commences, I will have to go back to being your professor, and your professor alone."</p>
<p>I took my time to process what he was saying. I had always known it was coming, but I had let myself get my hopes up regardless. I wanted more than a secret fling, fun as that may be.</p>
<p>I studied his composer, replaying his words in my head, and remembering back to when we were tangled together in his warm bed. I knew the words he was saying were not meant to hurt, but carry responsibility. He had been my authority figure for the past few years, and had not shaken it off entirely. He didn't see me as his equal. I am young, yes, but I know what I am doing. If he wants to end this because he doesn't have real feelings for me, that's one thing. But if he is trying to do the right thing, I need to show him he doesn't have to. I don't need to be protected, especially not from him. From us.</p>
<p>I put my hand in his before responding, "Remus, I understand, I really do. If you want to end this after the break, I won't fight it. But I ask that you don't make up your mind just yet."</p>
<p>He squeezed me hand and gave me a forced smile, "Let's just enjoy the time we have. I... made reservations for tonight, but it will require some trust."</p>
<p>I force myself not to look into his comment about 'the time we have' and think only of how he made plans to surprise me. Smiling but playing down how excited I was, I said, "I trust you completely."</p>
<p>Pleased by my answer he lets go of my hand and takes a step back, still facing me. "Then I'll need to disguise you. Okay?"</p>
<p>I nod, and he takes out his wand. Pointing it at my face first, and then slowly moving down my body, saying incantations I've never heard before. I start to feel embarrassed about the way he's looking at me. No longer friendly, but calculated. I feel my hair shorten and my clothes tighten, and I'm glad there are no mirrors around for my to see what he has done.</p>
<p>Once he seems pleased with my appearance, he wraps his arm around my waist, no longer afraid of us being caught together, and we set off in the direction of Hogsmeade.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Hog's Head</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's a long, cold walk but Remus gives me his jumper and we talk the whole way. I tell him all about my childhood this time, which wasn't all that long ago. He listens sincerely which is more than a girl could ask for, especially a Ravenclaw one. After I run out of stories, I turn the focus on him, wanting to learn every detail about this man before our relationship comes to an end."I never thought I'd be a teacher, but I've come to love it. It's not easy finding work with my condition, but Dumbledore has been very understanding, he even asked Severus brew me wolfsbane potion to make the night of the full moon bearable."</p>
<p>"No way! Snape, do something kind?"</p>
<p>He laughs, "he may not be the most warm and welcoming man, but he's not all bad. The potion isn't cheap or easy to make. I wouldn't have it without him."</p>
<p>I laugh too, finding it hard to see a good side to Snape. But thinking back to Defense Against the Dark Arts class, I remember learning about this potion and how it lets a werewolf keep their mind during the change. If Snape is helping Remus not lose himself during the full moon, I feel indebted to him. It's a comfort to know while I was waiting for him last night, he was safe. Maybe even thinking about me.</p>
<p>We arrive in Hosmeade but keep walking further down the main road, past all the shops I've visited with my friends during our school trips. There is only one building left and I assume we must be going there, but it looks rather haunted. I read the worn down sign with a grotesque picture, 'The Hogs Head,' a place in which, until now, I didn't know existed. I look towards Remus, waiting for him to say "Oh looks like we missed it, let's turn back around" but it never comes. Instead, he opens the door and leads us inside.</p>
<p>It is a pub, but different from The Three Broomsticks. It's dark, only a few candles lit, and with the amount of dust coating the windows, I can't imagine it's any brighter during the day. Remus waves at the bartender, a little too casually for my liking, and leads me to a booth in the corner.</p>
<p>He must have noticed my hesitation because he says disconcertedly, "I know it's not Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop or anything, but I wanted to take you out for a night, and here we won't be noticed or overheard."</p>
<p>I feel a little guilty and try to reassure him that it wasn't a mistake, "Madam Puddifoot's isn't my cup of tea anyway"</p>
<p>He smiles and shakes his head at my pun, but settles into his seat, relieved. He raises his hand to call the bartender over and orders us a butterbeer each and a plate of chips to share.</p>
<p>His hand starts off on the back of my seat, but it finds it's way down to my shoulder, and I move closer, leaning into him. We talk for who knows how long, and when our dusty bottles are empty and our plate clean, Remus orders two Firewhiskys. </p>
<p>"Trust me, you'll love it. But don't go telling anyone about this, it could get me fired." I feel his chest moving as he laughed, and before joining him I say, "yes, that is why you'll be fired... not because of the unlawful things you've done to me in your bedroom or anything.We throw back our firewhiskys and I've never felt anything like it. It makes my throat burn at first, but as it fades, the heat moves into the rest of my body. Unlike the butterbeer which gradually makes my body warm and fuzzy, this has instantly and intensely taken over me. "How do you like-"</p>
<p>I cut Remus off by planting a sloppy kiss on his lips. He is surprised at first but eases into it, kissing me back. I hear the bartender shuffle away, leaving us perfectly alone now. I climb onto Remus' back and undo a couple buttons on his shirt while kissing his neck. I know this can't go far, not here, but the drink has brought out the courage to do what I've wanted to do all night. He prys me away from him, and for a second I think he wants to stop. I get ready to climb off him, when he pull the jumper he gave me over my head and throws it on the seat beside us. I kiss him again and I start to feel him get hard under me. I bite his lip to tease him some more, but he grunts and grabs a fistful of my hair, pulling me off him.</p>
<p>"You'll regret that," he whispers as he stands up and walks over to the bar, leaving me in suspense. He calls the bartender out from the back room and they whisper amongst themselves, before the bartender hands him something and he comes back over to our table.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Follow me."</p>
<p>And I do, without a second thought. He leads me behind the bar and up the stairs I previously didn't realize were there. There's a sitting room with a fireplace and couches which looks inviting, but he walks past it and starts to unlock a door. When it opens he steps aside, letting me enter it first, and I look around, barely making out a bed and vanity. He lights the candles and then locks the door, putting a spell on it first before going around the rest of the room repeating it.</p>
<p>"What's that?"</p>
<p>"A soundproofing charm I learned just for you," he says, turning to face me, his candle lit face holding a mischievous smile.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Intimacy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I sit down the bed, surprised to find it so soft, and and remember I left the jumper at our booth. Before I can tell Remus, he is kissing me, drawing all my thoughts out of my body.</p>
<p>I fumble undoing the last of his buttons and rip the shirt off his body, and he does the same to me. He climbs on top of me, and I reach down to unzip his pants, but he sits up and holds his wand to me face, "we have to bring (y/n) back first"<br/>"Oh, right," in all that's happened tonight, I forgot that Remus had changed my appearance. I'm glad he remembered so I could be myself for this.</p>
<p>After restoring my appearance to it's original state he smirks, as he always does, and kisses down my chest. He pulls my jeans off and starts biting my thighs.</p>
<p>"Ow! Stop!" I yell, my legs retreating. </p>
<p>"That's payback for what you did downstairs," he says, trying to act serious, and starts biting me less painfully this time. He rubs me on top of my underwear before pulling them off too, his tongue finding my sensitive bits. My hand grabs at his hair and my body melts away, the alcohol seeping deep into my bones and my entire body tingling.</p>
<p>He works his magic for awhile longer, coming back up to meet my face just before I finished. I kiss him, desperately, as he unzips his pants and enters me. He lets a moan escape him as he buries his head in my neck, and my hands dig into his back, moving with him.</p>
<p>There's so much tension built up over the past two days, with me missing him and him in hiding, waiting to come back to me. </p>
<p>Before long, he has collapsed beside me, both of us catching our breath.</p>
<p>I cuddle up to him, my firewhisky starting to wear off. He runs his fingers over my back and kisses my forehead as we lay in a foreign bed together.</p>
<p>"I love you."</p>
<p>He said it so faintly, I thought I might have imagined it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Aftermath</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>We both slept more peacefully than we have all week, perhaps all term. I could hear his steady heart beating, my cheek pressed against his bare chest. It soothed me.</p>
<p>We woke up simultaneously as the sun began to rise, and with a swift kiss he dressed and left the room on a hunt for breakfast. I got out of bed and dressed too, avoiding the window as I was back to looking like myself. I saw a single rose on the vanity and picked it up, smelling it. These were the reservations he had told me about. Food, drinks, and a change of scenery. He had known exactly what we needed. </p>
<p>He returned with a tray and set it down on the bed. I joined him, and we drank our tea and ate our pancakes and fruit in silence. I wondered how he could have found this in an establishment that clearly catered to the dark and twisted. Even the butterbeers had looked out of place. </p>
<p>When we were finished he moved a hair out of my face and asked, "Are you ready to go back to the castle?" </p>
<p>I smiled and nodded, but my heart wasn't really in it. To me, the castle was now a prison built to keep us apart.  </p>
<p>He repeated the spells that he used yesterday to make me look less like myself, and we headed out into the cold without looking back. </p>
<p>On our way up the main road, Remus stopped in his tracks, "wait right here."</p>
<p>I obeyed, watching him disappear into a shop I knew well. Honeydukes. When he stepped back out he was holding a box of cauldron cakes and a few sugar quills, my favourite. "How did you know?" I asked, taking a sugar quill from his hand.</p>
<p>"A sweet girl like you deserves nothing less," he said, winking. Then bending down to my level, he admitted, "asking the shop owner what she recommends I get my niece for Christmas might have helped."</p>
<p>"Well, she was right! But I sure hope you don't see me as a niece," I tease. </p>
<p>"Far from it." </p>
<p>We made our way back to the castle, me sucking on the sugar quill and him, who tried one at my request but only cringed, talking enough for the both of us. We were back to new, the serious air lifted and just genuinely enjoying each others company, pretending that getting back to the castle wouldn't change anything. </p>
<p>"You know, if you want to go back to your dorm and see your friends, that's all right with me." He said, and I could tell he meant it. </p>
<p>"To be bombarded with questions again? No thanks," I said. "Besides, I can see them anytime, right now I want to be with you. Maybe even finish that book, it's grown on me." </p>
<p>"We can arrange that." He looked overjoyed that I wouldn't be leaving him, as thought it were even an option.</p>
<p>Just outside of the school grounds, he put me back to normal and we went our separate ways to not raise suspicion, just in case people noticed that the two of us had been missing and were on the lookout. I was to go back to my dorm for a few hours and then meet up with him after supper back at his quarters. He never told me what he'd be doing during that time.I imagined him alone in his empty room and had to force myself to stick to the plan.</p>
<p>All I wanted to do was run to him. </p>
<p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
<p>I endured the Ravenclaws' second attempt at discovering where I'd been running off to, and answered just enough questions to shut them up. I took a long bath and to kill time, I tried to write a paper that was assigned as homework, but I ended up pacing the room, unable to concentrate. I went to the Great Hall for supper and for the first time got to see all the Christmas decorations. There were trees and wreathes lining the walls, and snow coming down from the ceiling, fading before it touched anyone. There were only a few students at each table, which were no longer separated by houses, though I still sat with some Ravenclaws, not knowing anyone else. It was beautiful, more so than usual. I wish Remus was here to see it. </p>
<p>I talked to them about school work mostly, and I asked them if they had ever read The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, but they hadn't even heard of it. I ate a small meal and cut the small talk short, excusing myself from the table and setting off to find Remus at last. </p>
<p>When I turned into the hallway where his quarters were, I saw him standing outside his room talking to Dumbledore, and quickly hid in a doorway. It wasn't forbidden for a student to be here, but I didn't want any reason to connect Remus and I together. The voices died down and I could hear footsteps coming my way, holding my breath until I saw Dumbledore pass me by, undetected. </p>
<p>I caught up with Remus before he had closed to door to his room and slipped in, making him jump. "What was that all about?" I ask him. </p>
<p>"He doesn't know about you, if that's what you're concerned about." He answered as we sat down on his familiar sofa, "he did notice, however, that I hadn't been at the school yesterday and due to it being the night after the full moon he wanted to check up on me, make sure I had my potion and whatnot. As if I could ever forget." </p>
<p>I felt a twinge of sympathy, catching the pain in his voice that he tried so hard to cover up. I put my hand on top of his and squeeze, trying to comfort him. He looked up at me, face a little brighter, and asked if I wanted to continue the book now. I said of course and grabbed the book off the coffee table, flipping to the page where I left off, which was several chapters past where he was.</p>
<p>"I might have gone a little ahead of you though... Sorry." I felt bad, even though I wouldn't have gotten through that night without it. </p>
<p>"It's no trouble, I've read it before." </p>
<p>And on that note, he brewed some tea and we found ourselves back in the comfort of his bed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Return</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus and I spend days in his small apartment with me occasionally sneaking out to make an appearance in my common room or the great hall so no one thinks I'm missing. I play the role of a normal student who spends loads of time at the library and would never, in her wildest dreams, sleep with a professor. Remus and I came up with a list of excuses to use so I can avoid fabricating them on the spot and blowing our cover. We are getting quite good at this whole 'secret dating' thing. At times I even find it fun.</p>
<p>Back at his place, we finish The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes and move onto another book, Never Let me go. I love both the stories, but not as much as I love listening to Remus read them to me. His voice becomes a little more expressive than usual when he reads. I find it adorable.</p>
<p>I've started helping him with cooking and cleaning and he taught me some household spells to make the tasks easier. I can't help but picture us in a house of our own one day, a few kids running around, someplace quiet. We fit so nicely together.</p>
<p>As amazing as it has been, we're starting to come out of our daze.</p>
<p>The school will soon be filling up with students, our days numbered. Remus had started to prepare upcoming lessons, spending hours draped over books and scribbling notes on the scrap pieces of paper coating his table. I sit on the floor at his legs and do some school work. Every now and then I glance over, to see what he was planning to assign as homework, and ask him to change it.</p>
<p>"I don't think I should let you off easy just because you look cute sitting here in my shirt."</p>
<p>I look up at him and pout, and he grunts, "fine. Fine. You win." He pecks me on the nose before scratching out "3 foot essay" and changes it to "2 foot essay."</p>
<p>I beam at him and continue with my work. I finish my assignments for N.E.W.T. level potions, charms, and herbology, but when I come to DADA, I as Remus if he would help me write the essay that he himself assigned.</p>
<p>"That would be cheating," he says, looking conflicted but stern.</p>
<p>I run my hand up his leg while saying, "no it's not, it's just a little extra help for your favourite student."</p>
<p>He sighs and stands up, "I won't give you the answers, but I can lead you to them."</p>
<p>I nod enthusiastically, proud of how easily I could change his mind. He walks over to his bookshelf and comes back with a book, not as dreadful looking as he was when he was grabbing his journal. This time, he hands me a book on dark creatures as I grab his tie, pulling him down to my height for a kiss to say thank you.</p>
<p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
<p>I make my way back to the dormitory with only one more day left of the holiday, many students now returned. Not a second after I have answer the riddle and the door opened I feel a weight crush into me and arms wrapping around my shoulders.</p>
<p>"(y/n) I'm so happy to see you! They just told me you've been here at the castle this break, what happened to France? You must tell me everything, Alice thinks you've either run off with a boy from another house or you are secretly a werewolf."</p>
<p>It scares me that a month ago, I would have laughed at the idea. Now, knowing what I do, and being in love with a werewolf myself, the comment just stung. There was so much I wanted to respond with, like how it's not something I should have to keep secret. With some restraint, I decided to ignore it for the time being, "I'm happy to see you too, let's go to our dorm and I'll fill you in."</p>
<p>She practically skipped there as I trailed behind. As glad as I am to see my best friend again, I was hoping she'd push her vacation to the last minute and not be back tonight so I could have one more peaceful night. It was easy to lie to everyone else, but I couldn't do that to Poppy, even if I could get the lies past her. But I couldn't betray Remus either.</p>
<p>Sitting across from each other on our beds, in our fortunately empty dorm room, I try to find a version of the truth that I can share. "I did stay behind for a... boy," I guess I shouldn't say man, that would give it away, but boy sounded like such an understatement. Before she had a chance to guess who I was talking about I continued, "I promised him I wouldn't tell anyone, so you can't ask who it is."</p>
<p>Her smile half fell. It was the first time in our seven years at Hogwarts where I couldn't tell her everything. There was a sinking feeling in my stomach, but at least it was honest. I just had to withhold some information. She tried to keep the same level of enthusiasm she had earlier, but I felt some of it leave the room.</p>
<p>Still, she asked all the right questions and listened as I told her all the details that I could about my mysterious lover, as she has taken to call him.</p>
<p>By the time I finished talking and she had told me about her vacation, which she said was bland in comparison, it was past nightfall. I started panicking, knowing it was past curfew and I shouldn't leave the dorm now, but I only had two more nights to be with Remus and I couldn't miss it.</p>
<p>I told Poppy I had to get back and without question or trying to discourage me from breaking the rules, she sent me off with a wink and a teasing, "have fun."</p>
<p>I had barely made it halfway to Remus' quarters when I heard footsteps coming toward me and tried to duck into a doorway for cover.</p>
<p>But was too late.</p>
<p>Filch, the cranky old caretaker, had spotted me.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Detention</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I should have realized the time and left my dorm sooner. I should have gone the longer way, which is less likely to be patrolled. I should have heard the footsteps sooner and ran away. I should never have left him in the first place. He must be wondering where I am. </p>
<p>Will I even get to see him again before school starts?</p>
<p>Filch brought me to Flitwick and explained where he found me and how I had tried to hide. I was looking down at my feet, ashamed. It was an hour and a half past curfew, I was sure to get detention for this.</p>
<p>Flitwick asked, "Miss (y/l/n), what were you doing out of bed at this time of night?"</p>
<p>"I just wanted to go for a walk, sir. Clear my mind."</p>
<p>He looked suspicious, but I knew he didn't like to punish students. "You know that is not permitted at this time of night. Since this is the first time you've broken curfew in your years at Hogwarts, I think one detention will suffice."</p>
<p>I gave him a weak smile, I knew he was dreading this just as much as I was. I was grateful for him to be my head of house, McGonagall would be yelling at me right now.</p>
<p>That was, until he said, "Tomorrow night, after supper. You can help me remove the Christmas decorations from the Great Hall."</p>
<p>My eyes started to sting. My last two nights with Remus have been ripped away because of my foolish mistakes. I nod at my professor, waiting for him to dismiss me. Maybe there was still a chance to get to him. I could sneak away now, or in the morning.</p>
<p>"Filch here will escort you back to your dormitory. Please, Miss (y/l/n), don't let this happen again."</p>
<p>I nodded again and walked out of the room, Filch running behind me to catch up. He muttered something about shackles but I wasn't listening, I was trying to think of how I could explain this to Remus. How I could make up for it. How I needed more time.</p>
<p>When we got back to the dormitory, I collapsed in bed. I can't risk sneaking back out tonight. This is the first time in two weeks I'll be sleeping alone.</p>
<p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
<p>Poppy woke me up in the morning asking why I was back, so I explained everything that happened. She could tell instantly how bad I felt, without even knowing this relationship was over at the end of the break. She grabbed my hand and brought me to the Great Hall for breakfast, and we met up with a few other friends who just got back this morning. I played with my food more than I ate it, and kept glancing up and hoping Remus would be sitting at the teachers' table. </p>
<p>Poppy and the others invited me to the library to catch up on our homework and reading before school, but I said I already had plans. Poppy understood what, or who, I meant and we parted ways. I took my time today, not in a rush to see him. As much as I wanted to, I wasn't sure what to say or if he would be mad.</p>
<p>When I finally got to his room, I held my breath and knocked. And then knocked again. There was no answer. I looked down the hallway to make sure no one was around before saying, "Remus, it's me. Open up. I can explain." But still, no luck.</p>
<p>There was a pinching in my stomach now. Was he inside and ignoring me? Did he think I ditched him last night? Where else could he be, he wasn't at breakfast either. "Oh! His classroom!" I think to myself, before picking up speed and setting off to find him. </p>
<p>When I got there, I knocked. Again, no answer, but this room wasn't locked so I pushed the door open. It was dark inside, no candles lit and not much light coming from the partway closed curtains. I shut the door behind me, running my fingers along the desks on my way to his. I sat in his chair, leaning back. I Imagined him sitting here, glancing over at my desk in the back, where my face was usually buried in a book or concentrating on writing a paper. I looked at all the other desks, and wondered how I could possible stand out from the crowd. I never did ask how he chose me. I wish I had, because being in here made me feel so small. I was just a student. I used to take pride in how well I could blend into the background, but now I wanted to stand out.</p>
<p>I want him to notice me when we're both back in this classroom.</p>
<p>The door creaks open and I jump out of the chair, my heart pounding. We both stop and stare at each other for a minute before he closes the door and walks over to me. "Enjoying my desk, are we?" He said it with a familiar smirk, but it made me shiver. I don't think he wanted to find me in here.</p>
<p>"Er, yes. I just... came to see if you were here, I tried your quarters earlier and there was no answer." I looked away from him, waiting for an explanation.</p>
<p>"Sorry about that, I was out picking up supplies for tomorrow's lesson." He walked toward a shelf and put a few things he was holding onto it before turning back to face me. "Why didn't you come back last night?"</p>
<p>I told him how Poppy returned, that I was late and got caught, and he listened to my whole story before asking, "did you get in trouble?"</p>
<p>I looked at him apologetically, glad he was more concerned than disappointed, "Yes. I uhm, have detention tonight. After supper."</p>
<p>He strode over to me and squeezed my hand, "will you try to stop by?"</p>
<p>"Yes, yes of course."<br/>He kissed my forehead and excused himself from the room, saying he had more errands to run. I left too, finding my friends in the library and pretending to study with them, even though Remus had already helped me finish my assignments.<br/>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
<p>Supper came and went, and I stayed back in the Great Hall, waiting for it to clear out so I can get detention over with. Flitwick found me and explained what needed to be done, and Hagrid, McGonagall and two more students, also in detention, came to help.<br/>It took a few hours to restore the Hall to it's original state. I spent most of the time helping Hagrid take down the trees and thinking about my time spent with Remus. I should be with him now, safe in his arms. I don't know how we will pull off tomorrow, going back to our old selves like these two weeks didn't happen when they did, and I can remember every detail vividly. It was my seventh year of school, I wouldn't be here much longer. Maybe... we could be together then.<br/>When Flitwick was pleased with my work and gave me a speech on how I need to follow school rules and how they're for my own safety, he dismissed me. Curfew was soon, but I could still make it to Remus' tonight. I practically ran in his direction.</p>
<p>He opened to door for me like he had many times, but tonight there was no fire blazing in the hearth. The room was dark, and Remus was already ready for bed, wearing his sweatpants, without a shirt on. He got into bed, and I changed into some of his clothes before joining him.</p>
<p>He wrapped his arms around me and yawned, "I just want to hold you tonight."</p>
<p>I melted into his strong arms and chest, warmth emanating from his body.</p>
<p>I was glad, because I just wanted to be held tonight.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Goodbye</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I drifted in and out of sleep that night, and when Remus stirred in the morning, it woke me. We cuddled in silence, him stroking my hair, trying to savour every second of the time we still had together.</p>
<p>And then he broke the spell, "You should leave before the hallways fill." </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I wanted him to be wrong, but he never seemed to be. I glanced out the window and saw the sun just beginning to appear from behind the mountains. The house elves must be finishing up breakfast and soon the Great Hall would begin to fill with half asleep students. I put on the uniform I stored here so I'd be prepared to go to join them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I wasn't sure how to say goodbye to Remus. Part of me wanted to just leave now, with mutual understanding and no need to dramaticize our farewell. But... the other part of me wanted to run and embrace him, begging for him to never let me go. Nothing in me wanted to walk out of those doors, because I knew when I did, there'd be no coming back. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I dragged myself to the door, as if my feet were made of iron. I looked around his apartment one last time to burn everything into my memory. The couch, where we first had tea, and where I lay all night waiting for him. The kitchen where we cooked together, and the table where we ate. The bookshelf containing his biggest secrets, one that he had entrusted with me. And finally, I looked at him. He was buttoning up his vest, and when he finished, walked swiftly to the coffee table and grabbed some loose parchments and books. He looked so calm and... okay. Not panicking like I was. Not afraid of losing me, as I was him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>After shoving everything into his suitcase, he stood back up and looked over at me. I waited, hoping he would say something to comfort me. He had always been so warm and understanding, I couldn't understand why so few words were spoken on this morning, our last morning.</p>
<p>"Remus... I don't want to go. How can things ever go back to the way they were."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He sighed and put his suitcase down, but didn't look annoyed. He walked over to me and rubbed my upper arms as he did on the bridge, when we last spoke of this. "I know. I don't want to either, these two weeks have been heaven for me. But we both know this can't go any further, you're a student and I'm your professor. It's not that it's against the rules - that clearly didn't matter to me - but because you're young, and like I said, you have your whole life ahead of you. I want you to date boys your own age, have proper relationships that don't need to be hidden, and most importantly, to graduate and find your place in this world." Looking softer now, he pressed his forehead against mine and shut his eyes, "I would only hold you back."</p>
<p>I pulled away and opened my mouth to protest, but he quieted me with a long, deep kiss. I grabbed the back of his head, not letting him pull away too soon. This was the end. Our goodbye. There was no use fighting him, so instead I will try to remember him and all the memories we created together.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I walked the halls like a ghost, my heart ripped from my body. I ate food at breakfast and fought through small talk with my friends, but it was all empty. Meaningless. I felt like I was six feet beneath the ground, and this body I was walking around in, not really mine.</p>
<p>I went to class, and I was glad to find that I did not have Defence Against the Dark Arts class today. That would have really killed me. Poppy let me copy her notes that night, sensing that something was off with me. She tried pulling me aside and asking what was wrong, but I wasn't ready to talk about it, so I lied and said I was okay.</p>
<p>I went to bed that night, going over every last detail about Remus. I didn't want to forget, not in a million years.</p>
<p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
<p>The next day, I did my makeup and hair, trying to cover up my lack of sleep. Today I would see Remus, or, Professor Lupin, which I would once again have to say. I didn't want him to know how much I missed him, nor did I want to slip up and let anyone know I was in love with him.</p>
<p>I went to Herbology in the morning, and then Potions with Snape, which is the class I usually dread most, except for today. After lunch, I walked with Poppy and a few other Ravenclaws to the DADA classroom, and held my breath as I walked in. It was better lit now than it was when I was here with him alone, and I looked out the window to distract myself from his desk. I took my seat, beside the boy who Remus had once accused of having a crush on me, and pulled out my essay to be collected.</p>
<p>Remus passed by my desk as casually as he had any other student, a much better actor than I. It was what I expected, but that didn't make it hurt any less. It was as if our history had been erased. I went over it again in my head, making sure it wasn't just a dream.</p>
<p>Remus began the lesson but I paid no attention. I doodled stars and flowers on my parchment, and was glad when he didn't call me out on it, which he would have done to any other student if they were off in their own world. I took comfort in that.</p>
<p>When he finished his lesson and assigned us homework, I paid no more attention than I had earlier, and just waited to be dismissed. I was the first our of the classroom, and marched out the doors to Care of Magical Creatures. The air was refreshing, even though I wasn't dressed for it, and my skin was immediately covered in goosebumps.</p>
<p>I had survived my first class with him. We both successfully pretended to be our old selves.</p>
<p>Maybe we could pull this off after all.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Numb</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Poppy had stopped asking me if I was okay and just accepted that I wasn't. She brought up the boy I was seeing, understanding that only a break up could make me this upset, but I wasn't ready to talk about it. Even when I was, I wasn't sure how to explain it. His need to end things isn't something our age group was familiar with. I couldn't bring up the age gap, the lycanthropy, or our break up, so it was better to keep quiet and go it alone.</p>
<p>My world had fallen apart and I couldn't say a word. </p>
<p>I saw him in class most days, and I was now able to look up and pay attention, but not yet ready to answer questions. He did stick to his word and the next few essays had only needed to be two feet long instead of three. I clung onto these small victories. They assured me what me shared was real. He really did care for me. </p>
<p>The parting words kept running through my head; how he would hold me back, and how I needed to act my own age. Every time I thought of it, anger bubbled inside me, despite knowing he meant well. It was so patronizing. I was capable of making my own decisions, and he knew that. So why would he feel like he was the wrong choice for me? It wasn't fair, and it definitely wasn't what I wanted. I only had eyes for him. How could I ever go back to boys my own age, who were still playing games and couldn't maintain a relationship for long.<br/>Remus was everything I ever wanted, and I had to say goodbye. What is left?</p>
<p>I was in mourning. I returned to the life I lived before him, but all it's colour was lost. I woke up day after day to the realization that I was alone in my own bed, and it would stay that way. I went to meals, but I had no more appetite. I talked to my friends, but I had nothing to say. I tried to immerse myself into schoolwork again, out of necessity, but I couldn't concentrate. Especially not on his subject.</p>
<p>I wanted to cry, to let it all out at night and wake up lighter, but the numbness prevailed. The only time I felt something was when it had a connection to him. Seeing the moon at night, or his empty seat at the teachers' table. And then, it wasn't a good feeling, but a mix of dread and longing that manifested as a sharp pain in my stomach. But at least it was something. </p>
<p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
<p>In DADA the next morning, I prepared myself the way I had grown to. I tried to clear the memories of us from my mind, and repeat "Professor Lupin" to myself, scared I would slip up and call him Remus. I hadn't yet, but as for forgetting - I always failed. He stands in front of the class, lecturing us on the dangers of some dark creature or curse, and all I can picture is him tugging his shirt off and climbing on top of me. Then I blush, scold myself, and have to look away.</p>
<p>But today was different. Remus, er- Lupin, didn't give us a lesson. He told us what pages to read, gestured toward the questions he wanted us to answer on a blackboard before retreating to his desk. I did the work, trying to ignore my surroundings and how close I was to him. For the first time since being back, I managed to get some words on the paper. Getting to learn about the dark side of magic and how to protect myself against it always fascinated me. I might not be brave like a Gryffindor, but I like to be prepared, just in case a bad situation arises. I wish there was a spell to fight off a broken heart.</p>
<p>When the bell rang and students got up to leave, I scribbled down a few more words, trying to avoid my bitter reality a few seconds more. Poppy was waiting for me, and cleared her throat to get my attention, which worked. I stood up and started packing my things when a figure appeared in front of my desk. I stopped to look up, and my blood ran cold.</p>
<p>Remus. Looking right into my eyes.</p>
<p>"Miss (y/l/n), I'd like you to stay behind for a few minutes."</p>
<p>Poppy took the hint and left, and I could do nothing but stand my ground, staring into his eyes. I had no clue what he wanted me for, I had handed in all my assignments on time and thought I was doing rather well in the class, considering.</p>
<p>When the room was cleared, he walked around my desk and stood close to me, his voice almost a whisper, "Tonight is a full moon. I know this would be breaking our agreement, so if any part of you wants to say no, or if this would make it harder for you, please say no." He looked at me seriously and I nodded, taking his words into consideration. "I would like to find you back at my place when I return. Just like last time."</p>
<p>In a heartbeat, I told him yes. It might make my life more difficult, seeing as I was just starting to make progress, but it was worth it. I would take any Remus I could.</p>
<p>He slipped a key into my pocket and said, "see you then."</p>
<p>All my old feelings rushed back and I had to resist the urge to hug him, like I had so many times before. I broke contact with his gentle eyes, threw my bag over my shoulder and walked out of the classroom. In the hallway I caught my breath, trying to come to terms with what just happened. He wanted me back at his place, alone with him again. I knew it wouldn't be like the night in Hogsmeade, I'd mostly be waiting for him to return, but it was more of him than I thought I'd ever get again.</p>
<p>Holding in a girlish squeal, I set off to my next class. Alice tried to find out what I did wrong to be asked to stay behind, and I told her I got a 'dreadful' on the last essay. She tried to not look too pleased by the news, not to say she wants me to fail, but she loves gossip and thinking she found out the truth so easily would be an accomplishment. I didn't care though. Let her, and everyone else, think I was stupid and not going to pass my N.E.W.T. as long as it got them off my back.</p>
<p>Tonight, I would have to sneak out like I used to.</p>
<p>Tonight, I would be with Remus.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Haven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I had been on edge ever since I agreed to meet him. I was always comfortable with him before, part of why I loved being around him, but it was different now. I didn't know how I'm supposed to act, or who I was supposed to be. A friend, a girlfriend, a student? Are we going to pretend, for one more night, that we are still together? Going back to treating him like a professor had been no easy feat, and now I'd be thrown right back to the beginning.</p>
<p>But I was being selfish. It was the full moon, and I knew that was rough on Remus. I would always be there for him if he asks. Even if it takes it's toll on me, I'll have every ounce of him I can get my hands on. I really did miss him.</p>
<p>I knew I had time to spare, since Remus doesn't back until early in the morning. I didn't want to be there alone for longer than I needed to be, but I wouldn't push curfew either, not after what happened last time. I needed to be there tonight, neither Filch nor anyone else will stop me.</p>
<p>I hung out in the common room, which had died down when the holiday excitement wore off and we became preoccupied with our schoolwork. I flipped through the pages of a book I selected at random from our bookshelves, but welcomed conversations with Poppy, not quite able to focus. She told me all about a Gryffindor boy she's starting to crush on, and she told me if I find a new guy, the four of us can go on a double date the next time we're in Hogsmeade. Not wanting to bring her down I told her that sounded fun, but in reality, the only person I'd want to bring is Remus and that's not possible. Besides, no date would top the one we had that night at the Hog's Head. It was a bittersweet memory, but one I thought of often. It was the only time we came close to escaping the pressures of school and the roles we both had to play, and even then, I had to pretend to be someone else. </p>
<p>I wanted to tell my closest friend about my break up soon, but how would I explain it now, when I'm going back to see him tonight. She would tell me I'm acting like a doormat, still doing what he wants after he cut ties with me. But she didn't understand, Remus, in his own way, tried to put me first. The rare time he did ask something of me, I knew it was important.</p>
<p>When night came around, an hour before curfew, I set out to his apartment, double and triple checking that his key was still in my pocket. Even though I knew he wouldn't be there when I arrived, my hands were shaking. I tried to calm down and remind myself that not only had I practically lived there for half a month, but it was always safe. Our little corner of the world.</p>
<p>I fumbled unlocking his door and barged inside, looking around the room half expecting him to be there. I crept toward his bedroom and glanced inside to make sure I was alone, and even though his bed was empty, I could still imagine him sleeping there, peacefully. I made myself tea, as I had many times before, and grabbed a new book off his shelf. I took up refuge on the couch like I had the last time I were here.</p>
<p>Only this time, I didn't know who he would be returning as.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I heard a faint knock at the door and came out of my sleep, unsure if I had only imagined it. I dragged myself off the couch and went to pull the door open, worrying briefly that it wasn't Remus, but some other professor knocking. Deciding there was only one way to find out, I opened it, and was relieved to see Remus. Or, a worn out version of him. He looked shabbier than ever and there were prominent bags under his eyes.</p>
<p>I threw my blanket around his shoulders before locking the door behind him, and when I turned back around he was standing there, watching me. My face flushed, unsure of what to do or say next. He stepped forward and threw his arms around me, almost knocking me off balance. I settled into the warmth of the blanket now enveloping both of us, putting my hands on his waist and leaning my head on his chest. My god, it felt good to touch him again.</p>
<p>I never wanted him to let go of me again, and now I knew he felt the same way. </p>
<p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It couldn't have been earlier than noon that I awoke, finding Remus bent over the stove in that way that I loved. My eyes still heavy with sleep, and I slid into a seat at the table, finding a hot cup of tea already waiting for me. I sipped on it, regaining my strength, and waited for Remus to bring us our food. We hadn't spoken much since I've been here, so I still found myself unsure of how to behave. He had been so vulnerable last night. If he still was, I didn't want to push him.</p>
<p>He sat down across from me, his eyes flickering away when they met mine, and we ate our breakfast - er, brunch, in silence. Not an awkward one, just one that no words were good enough to break. We understood what happened, and what needed to happen next.</p>
<p>I helped him clear the dishes and he welcomed it, until it was done and there was nothing else left to do but speak.</p>
<p>"Will you spend the rest of the day with me?"</p>
<p>I wanted to respond with a joke about how he's not a good professor, encourages a student to skip classes, but I held it back, catching the serious look in his eye. I didn't manage more than a nod, but it was enough for him. </p>
<p>I wasn't sure what the two of us were going to do for the rest of the day, but he tossed a jumper at me and I got the idea.<br/>We walked quietly down the hallway, him ahead of me, making sure the hallways were clear. He was always so calm, and I remembered him mentioning in class how he used to be a Gryffindor. It suited him. I thought about him as a teenager, with the friends he told me about, getting into trouble all the time. He tried to assure me he was the responsible one of his friends, but I could see from my experiences he had a knack for breaking the rules.</p>
<p>We made it onto the school grounds safely, due to everyone being in class, and I ask him where we are going now.</p>
<p>"Where do you want to go?"</p>
<p>I stare at him blankly for a minute, trying to figure out what he's asking, and then it sets in. He can apparate. I didn't really care where we went, but I wanted to have some fun with this, especially if this was the last day I spend with him. Unless, we do this every full moon. That would be nice, I thought, but would he be acting this way now if that were the case? It felt, too final.</p>
<p>I won't risk it, nor would I let our last day be like it was last time, simply letting our time fizzle out. I wanted something memorable. I thought long and hard about the one place I would want to go with him if it were our last day together. </p>
<p>"Paris," I tell him, "I stayed here with you instead of going to France. Do you think... we could go there together?"</p>
<p>He studies me for a brief moment before making up his mind, "Yes, I suppose we can."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Paris</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>We marched off school grounds together, hand in hand. When we passed the quidditch pitch, he asked, "have you apparated before?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, loads of times. With my parents." It was true, but I left out the part about me hating it. It made me feel sick when I went through someone else, but my Apparition test was still a few months off. Oh well, I'll deal with the queasiness if it meant seeing Paris with Remus at my side.</p>
<p>I held onto his arm tightly, and after feeling like my guts had been squished through a straw, I found myself on a cobblestone sidewalk, oblivious people and bicycles whipping past us. Before I could take in my surroundings, I was bent over, fighting the urge to puke, which was almost as strong as the embarrassment I felt. Remus' hand hovered over my back, ready to comfort me, but he thought twice about it and dropped it back to his side.</p>
<p>When the feeling passed, I stood back up and he guided me down the street. I had never been in this part of the country before, my relatives lived on the outskirts. I gripped his hand, so taken aback that I thought my knees would give in. We were amidst crowds of people speaking a foreign language, on a street bordered with walls of shops, reminding me of Diagon Alley. It was loud, or, a better word would be lively, but instead of triggering my flight response, it was drawing me in.</p>
<p>I turned to Remus, who looked less impressed than I, but still captivated by the atmosphere. I felt a little guilty for choosing Paris knowing he would have preferred someplace quiet, but I needed more to remember him by. I needed something special.</p>
<p>Mesmerized, we carried on walking. I looked into each of the window displays until I came across one one that had a beautiful pastel blue dress and had to stop to peak in. I turned to Remus eagerly, and he shook his head a little but smirked, "we can go in, if you want."</p>
<p>With his approval, I let go of his hand and opened the door to the dress shop, which smelled of flowers and linen. Inside, there was everything from floral sundresses to over the top ball gowns. I circled each of the mannequins set up around the store, dragging my fingers over the various fabrics, but found myself back at the dress in the window. Remus got the message and raised his hand to call the saleslady over. She took the dress down for me and I hurried off to the changing room.</p>
<p>I slipped the dress on, and leaving the zipper on the back undone, I opened the door to show Remus. I had only caught looked at myself briefly in the mirror and was impressed. It was a ball gown, but simple enough, and it just so happened to be my favourite colour. I spun around in front of him teasingly, "what do you think?"</p>
<p>Without answering, he stood up and walked around me. He pulled the zipper up, momentarily touching my bare back and sending a shiver throughout my body. He grabbed my arm and spun me around before giving me his verdict, "you look stunning."</p>
<p>I blushed a little, grabbing my dress and twirling it side to side. He smiled, "do you want to buy it?"</p>
<p>"Yes," I said, looking up at him and furrowing my eyebrows, "but I didn't bring money, and I'm guessing this shop is out of my budget anyway." Why would he ask that? Of course I would want this dress, it was practically made for me. But it was out of the question, I'm sure neither one of us could afford it. And besides, we would need Euros, not galleons.</p>
<p>"Leave that to me," he assured me. Before I could question him, he said, "There's a spring ball coming up, I think this dress would be perfect for the evening, don't you?"</p>
<p>"Yes, but -"</p>
<p>"No. No buts. After everything you've done for me, this is the least I can do." He looked me straight in the eyes as he said it, wearing his 'don't you dare argue with me' face. After reluctantly accepting his offer, I changed back into my clothes and handed him the dress. He talked to the clerk while I waited outside, and when he returned we continued down the street like nothing happened.</p>
<p>I wasn't sure what sort of arrangements he had made, but I'm not going to lie, I was excited to get the dress. I just wish I had been the one buying it. If he wanted to buy me a gift, it could have been something small. Or, if he was trying to show his appreciation, I would have preferred to be given more time with him. That's all I've ever really wanted. </p>
<p>I leaned my head on his shoulder, clinging to his arm as we walked on.</p>
<p>We came across a cafe, and, still dazed from what he had done for me, I asked if he wanted to sit for awhile. There were a few tables on the patio outside, a short black picket fence acting as a barrier between it and the busy street. We sat down and Remus ordered us coffee and croissants, wanting to get the full french experience. We both people watched, having an easier time now that we were on the outside of the chaos, simply observing. I pointed out a fluffy little dog to him and he smiled and said 'cute,' but eyes were set on me, never making it to the dog.</p>
<p>Between sips of my second cup of coffee, I told him how this was my first time in the city, even though I've been wanting to come for years and my relatives lived no more than two hours away. He sympathized, and told me how he came here when he graduated, wanting to explore the world after spending years with his face buried in books.</p>
<p>"It's a nice enough place, albeit a little overrated," he evaluated, his nose scrunched up a little at the top.</p>
<p>I shook my head at him, saying I found it just as beautiful as everyone said. I half expected him to laugh at me for being so cliché, but instead he looked at me affectionately.</p>
<p>I wanted to tell him that it wasn't the city I loved, it was him; but as I began to speak, he did the same, and we ended up laughing like nervous kids on their first date.</p>
<p>But it didn't matter, because he already knew.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. The Jumper</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Our day in Paris had been perfect, and we stayed until nightfall, not wanting it to come to an end. It was a thank you, a farewell, and a proclamation of love all as one. I put up no protest, now knowing that Remus was no better at handling this than I. Perhaps, he was even worse. I had never given it, I had adapted to life as a student again. It was he who summoned me, who told me he needed me, and went against our agreement. I won't forget that.</p>
<p>Our walk back to school was a solemn one, and after a brief good bye at the door to the school, our hands parted, and the rest of us with them. I went back to my dorm, and he his empty chambers, knowing that another night together would only make things more complicated.</p>
<p>Paris had let us get everything out of our system, and the weight from my heart was lifted.</p>
<p>Leaving him didn't dampen my spirit like it used to, I was at peace.</p>
<p>I slipped into bed and found a good night of sleep, no interruption but the sun beating down on me in the morning, reminding me that yesterday was now in the past. I was thankful that today was a Saturday and I didn't need to drag myself to any classes, I could spend it in solitude.</p>
<p>That was, until Poppy came, practically skipping, back into the dorm and drew me out of it. "Great, you're up! I tried to wake you earlier but you wouldn't budge, I was worried you would miss our trip to Hogsmeade."</p>
<p>I sighed. I had forgotten about the trip I had once looked forward too. Could Hogsmeade with friends ever compare to Paris with Remus? Hardly. I turned to Poppy to tell her I would hang back, but she looked so excited as she tossed me a scone from breakfast before retreating to her bed to count her sickles and knuts, I couldn't bear letting her down. I had already neglected her too much recently.</p>
<p>I dressed quickly and while eating my breakfast, made my way to the school grounds with some friends. The snow had melted now, but it was still cold and damp out and I wish I had worn something thicker. We checked in with Flitwick, then made our way to the nearby village. Poppy went on and on about the boy she was going to meet for tea, which made me miss Remus, but I tried to push him out of my thoughts. I won't go there today.</p>
<p>Poppy ran off for her date, promising she wouldn't be more than an hour, so I filled that time by browsing the candy at Honeydukes and the toys and pranks and Zonko's. I didn't buy anything, I still had cauldron cakes from Remus after all. When the hour was up, I stood near the tea shop door waiting for Poppy, who took another twenty minutes before leaving. I guess the date had gone well.</p>
<p>After saying bye to him at the door, I found her all flustered and quiet, which was a rare occurrence. I asked her if she wanted to grab a butterbeer with our other friends, who I heard talking about it earlier, and then we headed arm-in-arm to The Three Broomsticks to find them. As we approached, I could see them all standing outside, looking annoyed, and asked them what was wrong.</p>
<p>"We've been waiting for half an hour now, there aren't enough tables for us."</p>
<p>I peaked in the window and saw that the place was crammed with Slytherins who appeared to be having some sort of celebration. At this point, my stomach was starting to growl, not completely satisfied by the small breakfast.</p>
<p>I walked back over to the group, and before thinking twice I blurted out, "I know another place we can go."</p>
<p>A few of them did a double take of the pub where they had been waiting, but accepting that it could be awhile before they get in, they decided to trust me. Even Poppy had looked startled at my proposal, but took up place at my side as I guided the group to the Hog's Head.</p>
<p>"Where are we going?"</p>
<p>"You'll see," I told her. My stomach lurched, remembering the last time I had been there, and who I was with. But I had been in disguise, there was no way they could know me, right? I told myself no, there was no way.</p>
<p>When we got there, my friends looked at the place like I had the first time I had been here, but they followed me inside. The place was empty again today, and I wondered why people would bother waiting outside The Three Broomstick when this place was no more than a ten minute walk from there. I showed them to a table, where they hesitantly sat down, and I proceeded to the bar to order us our drinks.</p>
<p>The bartender hobbled out from the back room, but instead of asking me what I wanted, he said, "Ah yes, I thought you might stop by. You seemed to have left something behind last time," and proceeded to pull out a jumper from under the counter. It was Remus'. My heart started to pound and I prayed that my friends hadn't overheard. I grabbed the jumper and slipped it on while the bartender shot me a sly eye. I paid for our drinks and brought them back to our table quickly, wanting to get away from him before he said anything more about that night.</p>
<p>When I slipped into the seat they left for me, Poppy observed, "where did that jumper come from? You didn't have it on a minute ago. Is it even one of yours?"<br/>The others looked over at me, but I brushed off the comment and said of course it was mine, and they lost interest as quickly as they gained it. Poppy, however, did not.</p>
<p>After our second round of drinks, we had all heard enough gossip to suffice for a month, and headed out. Alice thanked me, bragging about how she knew all the places to be, and how funny it was that I had known about this place before her. I wasn't sure if it was meant to be a jab or if she felt insecure about being out of the loop, but I ignored it and said my good byes.</p>
<p>On the way back to the castle, Poppy kept bringing up the jumper, "it's not even your size! Look, it goes halfway down to your knees!"</p>
<p>I finally cracked and told her I had gone there with my ex boyfriend, and while looking guilty for making me admit to it, she was equally happy that I had.</p>
<p>And so was I.</p>
<p>Speaking of that night, even just a minor detail like that, made it more real.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Anxiety</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I was in the clear. Poppy had been satisfied about my explanation of the jumper, so I was free to wear it to bed. It was warm and cozy, and it still smelled like Remus - I felt like I was back in his bed. I was still worried about how the bartender had recognized me, and how he now knows I am a student, which could backfire if he ever decided to tell someone. But so far, nothing. I tried to push it aside and not get worked up, it's not like there was anything I could do now. I'd just have to wait and see.</p>
<p>I wasn't ready to take the jumper off yet, so I wore it down to Sunday breakfast. A few minutes after I had settled in at the Ravenclaw table and loaded my plate up with beans and toast, Remus walked in. He took his place at the teachers' table without a glance in my direction. I tensed up, I hadn't expected to see him here, he never comes to the Great Hall unless it's a special occasion. But there he was, eating the same food I was and leaning over to tell McGonagall something funny I presume, seeing the smile on his face.</p>
<p>I shoveled my food down, trying to decide if I should position myself behind a classmate to block his view of me, or try to make a quick escape. I didn't want him to see me wearing this - he would be disappointed in me for being so careless. These people must have seen him wearing it at some point, and we agreed to leave no trace between the two of us. I hadn't held up my end of it. Not anymore.</p>
<p>The tall boy I moved closer to and ducked behind got up from the table, leaving me out in the open. I looked over at Remus, hoping he hadn't noticed, but he did a double take and I watched him stop mid sentence and leave McGonagall confused. I stood up and marched out of the room, Poppy at my heels. She didn't miss a beat, "what happened? You looked mortified!"</p>
<p>I didn't bother answering, how could I? I didn't stop until I got back to our dorm, and she followed, looking more concerned than nosy now. I paced at the end of my bed, thinking over all the events that happened these past two weeks. Remus asked me to stay at school, we slept together, I found out he was a werewolf, we went to the Hog's Head, we broke up, we got back together, we went to Paris, and now what? I'm left with his jumper, the smell fading as fast as my memories.</p>
<p>I looked up at Poppy, who waited patiently for some sort of answer, so she would know how to comfort me. I walked over to the door and closed it, even though most of our house was down at breakfast, and turned back to look at her.</p>
<p>"Remus. He's... the guy I was seeing."</p>
<p>I could see a hundred questions flashing behind her eyes, but all she asked was, "Remus? You mean, Professor Lupin?"</p>
<p>I nodded, and without being prompted, gave her a run down of everything that happened - leaving out the inappropriate bits. He is her teacher after all.</p>
<p>When I was done, we both plopped down into my bed. I didn't want to look at her, I was unsure of how she would react to all this. She had more experience with guys than I, and I didn't want a lecture on how I was being an idiot, or worse, that Remus used me.</p>
<p>Instead, she put her hand on my shoulder and softly said, "that sounds like love to me."</p>
<p>Tears were burning up in my eyes now, and I rested my head on her shoulder; the weight lifted from mine. She put her arm around me and went on, "that explains the jumper then. And what, he saw you at breakfast? Is that a bad thing?"</p>
<p>"Well, I don't think he'll care much. I doubt anyone pays enough attention to his clothes to realize it was his."</p>
<p>"What's the matter then?"</p>
<p>"It's just... overwhelming. Sneaking around is not as fun as people make it out to be. I don't want to be the reason he gets fired, I can tell he loves it here. But the bartender recognized me, and even if he keeps quiet, someone else could figure it out just as easily." I rubbed away the tears now running down my cheeks, "I miss him, I miss him so much. We had such an amazing time together, how am I supposed to go back to being his student. I miss talking to him. I miss sleeping in his bed."</p>
<p>"Wait, HIS BED?!" I laughed, and I could feel her shaking her head. "We'll... come back to that later. But for now, I want you to know that it gets better. I know I don't show it, being with a new guy every month and all, but I have been in love, and I have had my heart broken. You remember our fifth year, the guy that took me to the Yule Ball? Well, he dumped me the next day, never explaining why. It took me forever to get over that, but I did. And you will too."</p>
<p>"Yes, I remember him, and I'm sorry that happened. But, this is different. It's not a normal break up, I think he loves me too. He's doing it because of his position, and because he doesn't think he's good enough for me. We are meant to be together. He just, doesn't realize it yet."</p>
<p>I could feel her arm tighten around me, clearly thinking my words were that of any broken hearted girl. But Remus had told me himself that he was not young or whole enough to be with me...</p>
<p>And just now, it clicked.</p>
<p>We didn't need to break up. I needed to show him he was wrong.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Classroom</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Plotting makes it sound like an evil scheme instead of a romantic gesture, but that's exactly what I spent the rest of my day and night doing. Tomorrow is Monday, and I have Defense against the Dark Arts class right before lunch. I'll be able to stay behind to talk to Remus without raising any suspicion.</p>
<p>By morning I had everything planned out. I skipped breakfast, my stomach not stable enough to handle food, but it left me with too much time and an empty dorm. So I did what anyone would do, find the perfect combination of clothes and makeup to make myself irresistible to him.</p>
<p>There wasn't much to work with, needing to wear a uniform and all. But after trying on a few different combinations, I found one I could work with. I teased my hair to add some volume, and put on winged eyeliner and red lipstick. I decided the red was too much and got rid of it, going for some gloss instead.</p>
<p>I stood in the mirror, satisfied with what I saw and hoping he would like it. I didn't put much effort into how I looked most days, so I wondered if he's seen me like this before. He must have, last year at the Yule Ball I went all out. But did he notice?</p>
<p>I got lost in my reflection, doubting that I would be able to win him back. He was a rather stubborn man, but in this respect I hope he already knows being apart is a mistake. Why else would he bring me to Paris.</p>
<p>I went over my plan again in my head and thought about the best way it could go, getting back together, or the worst way, him being annoyed and sending me away, severing what might be our last chance. We are approaching February, and in a few months I will be done will school. I might never see him again.</p>
<p>Students filling back into the common room brought me out of my trance, so I packed my books, which were only for show. There was no way I'd be able to think about anything but him.</p>
<p>And I was right. My first class, Transfiguration, came and went without any new information making it's way into my mind. Luckily, McGonagall was too busy helping a Hufflepuff boy with the birds he conjured, that went crazy and got caught in a girls hair, to notice my lack of participating.<br/>When we were finally dismissed, I waited for Poppy, who just had Herbology, in our usually spot at the bottom of the staircase. We took our time heading to DADA together, and even though the hallways were crowded and we couldn't talk about Remus, it was comforting just knowing she understood how I was feeling. Anxious but determined.</p>
<p>When we were getting close to the classroom, I touched her arm and said goodbye, letting her go in ahead of me. If all went well, it would be the end of lunch before I see her again. I sit at the back of the classroom, closest to the window, so there would be a lot of students blocking me from Remus. I needed him to see me now. </p>
<p>I waited until I heard the class settle down and Remus get out of his chair before I made my entrance. As I entered, Remus caught my eye and lowered the papers he was holding before looking down to my blouse where I left the top few buttons undone. Then his eyes trailed down lower, to the hem of my skirt, which I pulled up higher to reveal my thighs above my knee high socks. Satisfied with his attention, but not wanting to draw everyone else's, I made my way over to my seat, hearing Remus clear his voice before announcing today's topic, lethifolds.</p>
<p>I could still feel his eyes burning into my exposed skin.<br/>When I sat down, the boy who I'd been told had a crush on me's eyes lingered on my thighs as well. I felt uncomfortable and readjusted my skirt to cover down to my knees. I didn't dress this way for anyone but Remus, I hadn't even considered that other people would notice. <br/>Remus gave his lecture before assigning pages to read and questions to write. I jotted down what he said, but I didn't start the work. Instead, I peaked over my open book, and watched him correcting papers. I studied his face, which he tried to keep straight, but every now and then I'd watch his shake his head in confused disappointment. It was funny seeing him like that. He wanted everyone to succeed, but we were at N.E.W.T. level now, taking it easy wouldn't help us pass our exams. </p>
<p>The bell finally rang and I shoved my things back into my bag, but stayed seated, waiting for the class to clear out. Poppy made sure she was the last to leave, and subtly winked at me before closing the door behind her. I stood up and Remus, who was still buried in his work, realized he wasn't alone.</p>
<p>I didn't want him to hand the upper hand, so I spoke first, "I think we need to talk about what happened yesterday."</p>
<p>"What do you mean?"</p>
<p>"I know you saw me, saw what I was wearing."<br/>"My jumper, you mean? Yes well, I don't think anyone noticed." He used his teaching voice, but now that he was more relaxed, he switched to the softer one he reserved only for me, "you can keep it, wear it. As long as no one makes the connection, I don't see a problem."</p>
<p>I smiled at him, glad I was right about him not wanting it back. I think he liked having a connection with me just as much as I did. He didn't want our ties to be broken, not completely.</p>
<p>"I'm glad you're not upset about that, but there is the matter of how I got it. I made a bad judgement and brought my friends to the Hog's Head. The bartender recognized me. He knows I'm a student, and he saw us together."</p>
<p>Remus' face turned serious, calculated. It was clear he hadn't thought this far into it, but it still didn't take him long to assess the situation, "We should be more careful. But I know him well enough, and he won't say anything. We're safe."<br/>"'Should be,' sir? As in, the next time we go out, we should take more precautions?" I smirked at him this time, catching a slip in his tenses. I hope it wasn't a thoughtless mistake, but one guided by his subconscious. <br/>"Ah, what I meant was -"</p>
<p>"I understood what you meant, Professor," I cut him off, not wanting it to be this easy to reject any hope of a future. "Now, what I mean is that, we should go out again. Or, if you'd rather stay in, that's okay with me too."</p>
<p>I started to step toward him, but we were still separated by his desk. The desk he had once pinned me against to ask me to stay with him. The desk where I will now convince him to do the same for me.</p>
<p>He didn't say a word, nor give away how he was feeling. But that was okay, it gave me time to make my way around around the desk, and stand in front of him.</p>
<p>"(y/n)... we can't do this, you know that."</p>
<p>"Do I?" I asked, now looking down at him. He didn't respond, but I caught his eyes looking down my body again. I took my chance and pushed him back into his chair, climbed onto his lap, and placed his hands on my thighs. I slowly slid them up my skirt, neither of us wanting to break eye contact.</p>
<p>There was nothing signaling me to stop, he looked rather like he wanted more, so I leaned in to kiss him. He brought his head forward too, unable to wait, and met my lips.</p>
<p>He was reserved at first, but it wasn't long until his tongue slipped into my mouth, and I could feel him getting hard through his trousers.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Goodbye</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I lay on his desk, my blouse having been ripped open, and legs draping over Remus, who sat in his chair. He was leaning his chin on my knee, both of us trying to catch our breath. Lunch break was almost over and this classroom would be filling with students soon.</p>
<p>"You'll need to fix my shirt, half the buttons popped off completely"</p>
<p>"Sorry about that," he said, not sorry at all. He located his trousers and pulled them on before reaching for the wand in the pocket, pointing it at me, and saying, "Reparo." When my shirt was fixed, he moved onto restoring his desk to the state which it had been before he had swiped everything off.</p>
<p>I thank him and button my shirt back up, then straighten up the rest of my outfit. I don't want to leave him, not now or ever again, but it was out of the question.</p>
<p>I wasn't sure if this meant we were back together, or it was another 'one time' thing. Maybe he's already regretting it. Either way, he was giving no hint of where we are at now. But I promised myself I would not give up, so I pushed past the awkwardness, and tried to lightly inquire about our status, "same time tomorrow?"</p>
<p>But he didn't laugh, he looked more serious now, "(y/n) please don't make this harder than it has to be."</p>
<p>I wanted to raise my voice and fight, really fight. How can he still say no? How can he accuse me of trying to make things harder. Breaking up is hard, this is far from it. But I kept calm, because I know what he means is that he is the one who is having a hard time. He is trying to do the right thing, and every time he fails and comes back to me, he's going against his better judgment. He's struggling because he wants me, but he doesn't think he's good for me.</p>
<p>My plan to get back together failed. Maybe I successfully seduced him, but that is not what will win him over. Not for a smart and caring man like Remus. No, I'll need to prove to him that he is good enough. That giving in to his feelings and being by my side will not destroy me.</p>
<p>"Okay Remus, you win. I won't do this again. But, you know as well as I do that we can't end things like this, so I ask that you meet me at the astronomy tower tonight. We'll say a proper goodbye."</p>
<p>I waited for an answer, my heart beating so fast I was scared I'd miss it. He looked reluctant, hurt even. Victory was not as sweet as he wanted it to be. I chose my words well, 'a proper goodbye.' It was too final for me, and that's how I know it was too final for him. If he agrees, I still have a chance.</p>
<p>"Fine. Astronomy Tower, 9 o'clock." He said after thinking it through, staring straight into my eyes.</p>
<p>The class was back in order, we were both fully dressed, and with a quick glance in the mirror to fix my makeup, I was off. </p>
<p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
<p>I met up with Poppy that night at supper, her face beaming as I joined her at the table, noticing that I was in a good mood, which could only mean one thing.</p>
<p>"Welllll?" She asked, not so subtly.</p>
<p>I responded in a whisper, "we're going to meet tonight to say goodbye." We weren't daft enough to use his name but I still didn't like the idea of speaking of him openly.</p>
<p>Her previously happy face turned confused, "why do you look so happy then?"</p>
<p>"Because, neither of us want to say goodbye," I said, smiling as I put a roasted potato in my mouth. She smiled back and nodded, pretending to understand, but the confusion never left her eyes.</p>
<p>9pm was curfew, so I left the common room half an hour early, ensuring I would make it there in one piece, and had time to settle down before meeting him. I climbed the spiral staircase and reached the opening, cold and windy from the late winter air. I grabbed a seat by the railing, watching over the school grounds, which was nothing more than a series of shadows, until Remus came. </p>
<p>I heard his footsteps clanging against the metal, making the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I still wasn't sure how I was going to pull this off, I didn't bother with a plan this time. I wanted it to be raw, real. </p>
<p>The connection between the two of us speaks for itself, all I needed to do was get him to listen.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Astronomy Tower</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He took his place beside me, putting his arm around my shoulder, looking out at the view instead of at me. I was glad he didn't speak at first, letting us appreciate each others company, looking out at the place we call home. The place that brought us together, yet kept us apart.</p>
<p>We stood in silence until I couldn't take it any longer and pulled away, "Remus, tell me why we can't be together." He sighed, but I wasn't going to give him an easy goodbye. At the very least, I needed to make sense of it.</p>
<p>"I'm not good for you."</p>
<p>Without thinking, I blurted out, "why do you get to decide what is and isn't good for me?" I hated that he thought I didn't have a mind of my own. I don't need him looking out for me.</p>
<p>"Because you're young, you're ruled by your heart. You might want to be with me now, but ten years down the line, you will only feel regret." He spoke calmly, without any pity in his voice, "it's better we stop now, before you resent me." He really thought he was right, and was ready to sacrifice his own happiness for mine. The fool.</p>
<p>"You can't say that, you don't know where we'll end up," I responded, not able to keep the same calm tone he had.</p>
<p>"I'm well older than you, I have more experience with this. You might not think being together means much now, but I will end up slowing you down, holding you back. And... I will die long before you do."</p>
<p>"You could hardly hold me back. But even so, the years I would have with you will be well worth it, Remus. Can't you see that?" I understood his concern, but age didn't matter to me.</p>
<p>He closed his eyes and brought his fingers to the bridge of his nose, "There's also the fact that I'm a werewolf. Snape might make me wolfsbane potion now, but if circumstances were to change, I wouldn't have another way to get my hands on it."</p>
<p>I understood this too, but still, it was nothing that should get between us, "if that were to happen, I'd want to be there for you. Just like I have been. I hate to think of you on your own."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He gave me a weak smile but I hadn't changed his mind, "I don't know if I can have kids."</p>
<p>This one threw me off guard and I must have made it obvious, seeing how Remus looked away from me, pain in his eyes. I thought about it for a minute before telling him, "there are other options, and I would be happy with just you. It's not a deal breaker. Besides, you don't sound so sure. There's still a chance you can."</p>
<p>He smiled again, a little stronger now. He didn't believe I was right, but I could tell he was grateful for my attempt. I wrapped my arms around him tightly, and his hovered over my back. This was meant to be a goodbye.</p>
<p>I buried my face into his chest, hiding my tears from him, "Remus, please. Can't we try? You don't want me to regret being with you, but won't you regret this? We don't need to make these decisions now, when I graduate, we can date. We can get to know one another in a better setting. We can build a life together, and then decide if it's the one we want. I can't give up on you, not yet, not like this. Not before we've tried."</p>
<p>His arms wrapped tightly around me now, and he rested his chin on the top of my head. I was sure this was it. If I haven't brought him back to me by now, there was nothing more I could say. I started sobbing, and his hands grabbed onto my shoulders as he attempted to pry me away from his body. I tried to cling to him harder, not yet ready to let go, but he held onto my face and said, "look at me."</p>
<p>I listened and took a step back, not wanting to lose all my dignity. If we were to say goodbye, I would do it right. I didn't want to be remembered like this.</p>
<p>But when I looked up into his eyes, I saw they were filled with tears as well.</p>
<p>"Okay"</p>
<p>The words echoed in my head, but my mind couldn't process them. I just stared at him, bewildered, "w-what?"</p>
<p>"Okay, (y/n). We can try."</p>
<p>He was accepting my proposal. He was saying we could date, properly. He was saying that, even with all the reasons we shouldn't be together, he still loved me enough to try.</p>
<p>I wrapped my arms around his neck and jumped on him, overjoyed with his answer. He stumbled backwards but managed to catch me, and at the same time we leaned in to kiss each other. It was different then we had ever kissed before. It wasn't a goodbye kiss, and there was not a trace of tragedy in it.</p>
<p>He loved me, I loved him, and we were finally going to be together.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. The Parcel</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I woke up in my own bed, which didn't feel so lonely anymore. Remus had walked me back to my dorm last night, holding my hand, shamelessly kissing me at the bottom of the stairs leading to the ravenclaw entrance. It all felt like a dream.</p>
<p>Remus was officially my boyfriend, but it would still be a few more months before that news could be revealed to the public. God, how will my parents react? I laugh at the idea of Remus coming over for a family dinner, dressed in one of his vests, trying to make polite small talk with my dad.</p>
<p>We all get dressed to go down to breakfast but I grab Poppy's arm, holding her back from the group so I could tell her the good news, "Remus said he'll give us a chance." I was glad to have her now, I didn't have to keep all of my excitement bottled up.<br/>She held my hands and jumped up and down, "I'm so happy for you (y/n)! He made the wise decision." She finally settled down, her eyes widening as she said, "wow, I can't believe you're sleeping with our professor!" I was glad we were alone so no one could see how badly I was blushing. <br/>"Thanks, but oh my god, don't say it like that," I said jokingly. I didn't see Remus as much of a professor nowadays, he's so much more than he lets on in the classroom. Plus, it just sounds creepy. </p>
<p>We made our way down to breakfast, occasionally glancing at each other and giggling. We ate our breakfast, french toast today, and I saw that Remus was once again sitting at the teachers table. I didn't have anything to hide this time, but I tried to keep my head down nonetheless. We still had to pretend to be teacher and student, but at least now, it won't be heartbreaking. I know we are more than that.<br/>Owls piled into the Great Hall but I didn't pay much attention to it, both used to the sight by now, and because I wasn't one to get mail. My family gave up writing to me by my second year, with the odd exception of a gift on holidays.</p>
<p>Today, though, something unexpected happened. Not only did an owl drop something down on my plate, but it was a rather large parcel and caused food to fly all over myself and a few first years. At first I didn't realize it was for me, and was too busy getting sticky syrup off my cloak to care. But when Poppy leaned over and read my name aloud, I double checked the tag and tore the wrapping off.</p>
<p>It was a box, with a french name written on it. My heart stopped, immediately knowing what it was. I lifted the lid of the box to catch a glimpse of what it contained, and before thinking twice, looked over at Remus, who was already smirking in my direction. I took a risk and mouthed 'thank you' to him, a tear forming in my eye.</p>
<p>I didn't want to open it here, not after the mess it's arrival had made, so I picked it up and left the table, forgetting to finish my food or apologize to the kids who's clothes I ruined. I debated going back to help, knowing they most likely hadn't learned the cleaning spell yet, but I'm sure someone else would step in. Ravenclaw's wouldn't miss a chance to impress the younger students with their knowledge.</p>
<p>Poppy followed me, and must have worked out the situation by now. "Try it on!" she encouraged the second the door to our dorm closed behind us. I obeyed, eager to see myself in the dress. I had completely forgotten about it ever since we got back, and that sure wasn't how I expecting it to arrive, considering it came from a muggle shop.<br/>The dress was even more beautiful than I remember it. I look in the mirror and run my hands down the silky fabric, thinking about Remus buying it for me in Paris. "you look stunning," he had said. I twirled around and Poppy clapped, saying, "you're going to be the prettiest one at the ball!"</p>
<p>I scrunched my face and shook my head at her, "that position is yours."<br/>A brief look of pride flashed over her face, and I couldn't blame her, she was beautiful. But she replaced it with something more good natured before reassuring me, "we can take it together! That Lupin of yours will absolutely die when he sees you." She reached into the dress box and pulled out a card, "you forgot something."</p>
<p>I rushed to her side and grabbed it from her hands. A note. I didn't see the need for it, I was the one who picked it out, but I guess this is what he was talking to the saleswoman about for so long.</p>
<p>'Save a dance for me.' </p>
<p>I handed the note to Poppy, who had been courteous enough to not read it first. She scanned over it and looking back up to my eyes, which were now filled with tears.</p>
<p>I walked back over to the mirror, wiped them away, and thought to myself,</p>
<p>'I will, Remus. I will.'</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Getting Ready</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The day of the Spring Ball has finally arrived after a whirlwind of a week.</p>
<p>The other girls in my dorm had walked in to see me in the dress, and in all the excitement, a few others had stumbled in to see what was going on. So of course, talk had gone around the school that a secret lover had bought me an expensive french dress, and people kept taking guesses at who it might be.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In DADA class, the boy I sat beside was looking rather pouty, and eyes were burning into my back as I was trying to take down notes. If these girls found out it was the man standing at the front of the class who was my 'secret lover,' well, they would lose their minds.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As for Remus and I, I hadn't seen much of him over the past few days. He was asked by McGonagall to help with preparations for the ball, and had obliged. Now that he was kept busy, and worse, always had McGonagall by his side, it was hard to get even a few words in. He did manage to explain the situation, but I still haven't had a chance to thank him properly for the dress I would wear tonight in front of the whole school.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Poppy had preparations of her own, and most of them had to do with me. We spent the day doing each others nails, putting on face masks, and most importantly, talking about our men. Poppy had found some sexy Slytherin in year 6 to go with, and as always, she was sure he was the one. I hadn't met him, but he sounded sweet enough. And by the way she described him, I'm expecting to see a tall dark model clinging to her arm tonight. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Poppy also made me pick out my best lingerie, which looked a lot like her worst. "There's no way Remus won't want to get up that dress tonight! And there's no better way to thank him than this."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I had laughed it off, but I won't deny she made me feel a little anxious. Not so much about what I wore, but because I wanted this night to be perfect for us. He is a professor and dancing with a student might be permitted, but it wasn't common either. After the rumours spread and people started guessing who I was with and if he was at this school or not, I didn't want to do anything suspicious. Poppy was right, all eyes are on me. I need to be careful.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There's only a few more hours until the Spring Ball begins, so Poppy and I start working on our hair. She tries out a few different styles, finally finding one and insisting it goes with my dress, but when I look in the mirror, it doesn't look like me staring back. I take it out and brush my hair back down as she rolls her eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Here, at least take this hair out of your eyes," she tells me before grabbing something from her trunk, coming back over, and pinning it to the side. It was a jeweled and shining a blue hair clip which accented my dress perfectly. I thanked her and she nodded, pleased with herself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The room starts to fill up when as we're applying our make up, and a quiet girl I've never spoken to much helps me apply winged eyeliner, and in return I let her borrow the nail polish I had used. We all slipped into our dresses, but it was still half an hour until we would head to the Great Hall, so we sit on our beds and talk. Naturally, the topic of dates was brought up once again. I assured everyone I was going solo until they decided the reason for it was not my lack of boyfriend, but because he didn't attend this school. I didn't correct them, it was a good and believable cover. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>When the time came, Poppy and I held each others arms on our way to the Great Hall, breaking off when she saw her new boyfriend. I caught a glimpse of him and discovered she was right, he was attractive, and stood almost a foot taller than her even though he's a year younger. I head towards the transformed ballroom alone now, but wasn't at all embarrassed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I knew Remus was waiting for me inside.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Spring Ball</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I walked through the main doors, straight into a hall I didn't even recognize. It was unlike anything I had seen before at Hogwarts, even better than holidays, maybe even the Yule Ball. There were ribbons everywhere, not annoyingly colourful, but in soft welcoming pastels. The outskirts of the room had grass growing, and I wondered what spell was used to conjure that. The middle had a smooth marble floor, perfect for dancing. I could see flowers in every direction, both in wall mounted pots and petals falling from the sky, er- ceiling. it was hard to tell the difference. I looked up at the soft blue mirage, a warm spring sky. Slow, atmospheric music was playing in the background, echoing around a room filling with bodies cloaked in pretty spring dresses, inviting couples to slow dance.</p>
<p>I was impressed to say the least, and even with elbows puncturing my ribs here and there, I felt serene. I pulled myself from my trance and looked around at the crowd, hoping to pinpoint Remus' location. Instead, I spotted the boy from DADA class pushing past some people and heading in my direction. I looked around for Poppy, hoping she could rescue me, but found I was trapped in the crowd, the only one without a special someone in her arms. The boy caught up, and just as an opening appeared for me to escape, he tapped my arm.</p>
<p>I turned to him, noticing the shy look on his face, "may I... have this dance?" I nodded at him, taking my place in his arms. He started to lead, and I forgot that I was an awkward dancer. It was still slow music playing, and all I had to do was sway. I didn't want to say no and break this kid's heart, but I still tried to keep my distance, only allowing our hands to make contact and not our bodies. It might even be good for people to see me with him, it would be less suspicious if I danced with Remus later.</p>
<p>I danced a few songs with him, having to grab his hands as they sunk too low on my back, or take a step back when his body started to get uncomfortably close to mine. I can't blame him, all the kids around us were practically groping each other at this point, but I already had a boyfriend and wish I could tell him that so he didn't get his hopes up.</p>
<p>Poppy eventually found me, and we went off to grab pumpkin juice and catch up. "Oh my god, I can't believe you're dancing with him. Haven't you located your man yet? Well, hopefully he turns up soon, before you're pregnant with that guy's babies. He's been eye screwing you this whole time. I can't even blame him."</p>
<p>I looked down at my dress, remembering the note Remus had left in it's box. "I need to find him."<br/>Poppy agreed to leave her boyfriend stranded for a few more minutes to help me hunt him down, but couldn't restrain from telling me everything about her night so far. "He has really strong hands, and he's a good dancer. Not much of a talker though, which I guess is okay. I can talk enough or the both of us. What's important is he's a good listener."</p>
<p>I smiled along with what she was saying, happy her date was going well, but at this point I was scared about not seeing Remus already. Maybe he hadn't come after all. He was neither on the dance floor or by the refreshment table, and I couldn't see him standing with the other professors either, who were looking rather uncomfortable off to the side</p>
<p>Finally, my eyes caught up with him. He was pushing his way through the crowd, heading towards me. I tried to act casual, letting him approach me as I talked nonsense to Poppy.<br/>"Miss (y/l/n), may I have this dance?"</p>
<p>Finally. I tried to keep my cool as I accepted his invitation, and we headed out onto the dance floor. He put his hands respectfully on my waist, as a professor would, and mine reached up to wrap around his neck, realizing how tall he was for the first time. Another slow song was playing, and we melted into each other, moving to the music.</p>
<p>He lowered his voice to a whisper before saying, "this almost makes me feel normal."</p>
<p>"You are normal, Remus" I said, resisting the temptation to wrap my arms completely around him and press my body against his. I knew what he meant. He wasn't just referring to us dancing as professor and student, but also the fact he was a werewolf and always felt he didn't belong. We were crossing boundaries together that he never thought were possible. He was respected, admired, loved. He was normal, and deserving. I teared up, feeling blessed that I was the one who could make him feel this way. I wish I could kiss him.</p>
<p>We didn't say anything else for the duration of the song, but occasionally glanced in each others eyes, before turning away, not wanting to make everyone aware of what was going on between us.</p>
<p>When the song came to an end he leaned in close, telling me, "stay for two more songs, and then meet me in my room."</p>
<p>I fought off a smile and tried not to blush. "Yes, sir."</p>
<p>I watched him leave the room through the side door that staff used, and made my way back to the refreshment table for another drink before departing. A boy who couldn't have been more than a fifth year stopped me, complimenting me on the dress, but I gave a courteous smile and kept moving. I finished my drink, and following Remus out the same door he used, hoping it was more discreet.</p>
<p>I met him where he asked, barely knocking before he opened it and pulled me inside. The second he closed the door behind me, he pressed me against it and brought his lips to mine. I kissed him back, reaching between us to unbutton his dress shirt. He was dressed more formally than I had ever seen him, these clothes were not tattered. Judging by the condition, they might never have even been worn before. I ripped off his coat, his tie, his shirt, everything I could before he pulled away to catch his breath.</p>
<p>He swooped me up into his arms and carried me to his bed, in a room that was now lit with candles, and placed me softly on it before running his hands down the smooth fabric of a dress he bought me. "You were so beautiful tonight. I saw a dozen boys looking at you, wishing they were the ones to hold you tonight. I'm so... thankful, that it's me."</p>
<p>I sat back up and tenderly held his face in my hands, "of course it's you."</p>
<p>He kissed me, and I felt his hands unzipping the back of my dress. He pushed me back down on the bed, pulling the dress over my head before climbing on top of me. He took his time kissing every inch of skin on my body. My stomach, my thighs, then back up to my neck.</p>
<p>He pulled away from me and smiled, "I love you, (y/n)"</p>
<p>Tears flooded into my eyes, this wasn't like the last time at Hog's Head when he was half unconscious when he said it. He was clear, present, genuine. I could do nothing but look back into his caring eyes and say, "I love you too." He kissed me again on the forehead.</p>
<p>He made love to me that night, more passionately than ever before. We held each other in our arms, and he repeated the words he had finally revealed to me. Each time I sank deeper and deeper in love with him.</p>
<p>He's everything I've ever wanted, and here he was, wanting me back.</p>
<p>This is my happily ever after. He is my happily ever after.</p>
<p>~~~</p>
<p>I really hope you guys liked my story, and I appreciate you sticking with me until the very end!</p>
<p>Don't forget to follow and check out my blog : janelovettwrites.wordpress.com</p>
<p>I hope to write more fanfic in the future.<br/>I'll even take suggestions!</p>
<p>&lt;3</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>